The TRUE Pumpkin Day

With everybody posting their own stories of Pumpkin Day, I'm here to put the whole thing into one special edition DVD of Pumpkin Day.

Here we go.

I met TGP around 11am so we could go and buy pumpkins. This was a fun task. Mainly because of our enthusiasm about doing something as simple as just buying some pumpakins. But TGP and I always make the other laugh. It's just something we do to each other naturally.
In picking out our pumpkins we both made sure to get a good size range. Just in case someone wanted to make a small pumpakin, and maybe in case someone felt ambitious enough make a big complicated pumpkin.
Yes, what you read on TGP's blog was true. Some lady did notice that I had just picked out a great shaped pumpkin and expressed a desire for it. She said "Ooo, that one looked like a good one" and I said, "Oh, too bad, I guess I got it" and then she called me a bastard. Right in front of her kids. How hilarious is that?
And we did make up a back story in case people asked why we were buying so many pumpkins, we were going to say that they were for the orphans and did they want to deprive the orphans of Hallowe'en? This was followed by a fit of giggles from the both of us, and I decided that we also needed some chocolate to go with the pumpkins for "the orphans". In all, we had a fun time at the grocery store while everyone around us were just all business.
Upon returning to TGP's house we did in fact receive a punkin on the doorstep from the local real estate agent. (It's like he knew!) And I am fairly certain that it's the one with the rotten pumpkin soup inside of it. It was soooo funny to see TGP's reaction to the rotten soup. All I could do was laugh, because she had specifically chosen that punkin because it had a 'handle' whereas her last 2 had none. So she hand picked the pumpkin that was rotten. Too funny. (I still say we should have duct taped it shut again and applied some googly eyes.)

Before all this though, we spent a good hour trying to get our stencil picks from the internet. Oh you ornery internet. You can be such a tease.

Then the dazzlemazing Shipkicker showed up and donned her pumpkin carving shirt, which was pretty effing hardcore. She was ready to rock those pumpakins Crue-style. She went to pick a stencil, and I was impressed that she picked Spongebob. He looked freaking hard to do, and it turns out he was. Nevermind the fact that I had to go over her sparsely spaced dots and draw it in for her. Spongebob takes a dedication that I would not have had the patience for.




He looks amazingly spongelike, Shippy. I'm still impressed.




I chose to stick with easier stencils from my favourite website of all time. Seriously, it's why the internet exists for me. www.homestarrunner.com
I love it.
Here are my pumpakins, and they're all from that website.

For those not in 'the know' yet, they are, The Cheat, Homestar Runner himself, and Trogdor. (And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIIGHT!.)

I just can't get enough of that wonderful stuff.

During the course of the afternoon, her pink and blondness Pockey came along and brought her own pumpkins. She also had the camera, so that's why there aren't any pictures of anything before she triumphantly arrived.

Shipkicker was still working on Bob, and was feeling the crunch, but she didn't give up. And for that I'm proud of her. It's not every year you find three pumpakin carving crazies all at the same time.

By now it was mid-afternoon and I had invited myself over for dinner. Some drinks had been poured, but everyone was trying to carve pumpkins, so the drinks were all but forgotten. I started clearing out Pockey's punkins because she detests the feel of the goop. I LOVE the goop. I was having so much fun separating the seeds from the goop.

A little too much fun perhaps? I'm such a ham!

So anyways, when we were done, the photos of the finished product were taken, and we were all very pleased with ourselves.

But I don't think Shippy was too excited about doing it next year. I think she threw her back out six ways from Sunday carving little Bob out of the pumpkin. Poor Shipkicker, but not really. She ditched us for a costume party that night. So we had lasagna, wine and cheese without her.

Sweet. There you have it. The True Hollywood story behind this business that was Pumpkin Day.

Pumpkin Day! and Look at how cute I was.

Yesterday TGP, Pockey, Shipkicker and myself all carved pumpakins in a gloriously fun-filled afternoon we affectionately called, Pumpkin Day. That's right, it was just me and 3 girls. 3 really cool, awesome, good looking girls. Jealous? You should be.

It was a marathon afternoon of scooping, stencilling and carving. I made 4 pumpakins and I only used the punkin stencils available from the Homestar Runner website. TGP's Mom was very confused as to what mine were supposed to be. But she recognized most, if not all, of the other girls pumpakins. TGP's Mom is so nice. She was cool with the fact that there were 12 pumpakins all over her kitchen and that I had totally invited myself over for dinner at her place. Such an awesome Mom.
It was sooo much fun. Some much needed fun after doing that Top 5 list.

After the carving, dinner, and the hockey game I went upstairs to find TGP and Pockey looking at pictures of days gone by. They didn't care too much that the Canucks had lost, so I just joined into the picture looking. It was a good thing I came when I did too, because there were some embarrasing ones of me in there. (We're almost even Pockey, I have some pics at my house that will make us totally even).

Here though, is a baby pic of me. I'm at my Grandma's house in the early 80's, and I think I did this a lot.


Because here I am again with my cousin, (the one who just got engaged).

Aren't we the little misfits? She's a year older than me, so I was just following her lead. I mean seriously, she's obviously the one in charge here. I'm so happy that she's getting married this summer. Our family needed some good news for a change.

So that's a little taste of what I actually look like. I may get more brave and post some pictures of my upcoming family vacation to Disneyland. I'm leaving in 3 days.

The list again...

Here they are again, in the intended order, the order of how badly they broke my tender heart.

Top 5 Most Heartbreaking Breakups
#1 - Sara O.
#2 - Christina T.
#3 - Andrea T.
#4 - Natalie L.
#5 - Melisa G.

Chronologically it goes,
Natalie - 3 months in 1996,
Melisa - 1 month in 1997,
Sara - Summer '98 - Summer '02,
Christina - Winter '02 - Summer '03,
Andrea - Oct '03 - Dec '04 and May '05 - Oct '05.

In case anybody was wondering.

There you have it, the history of my heartbreaks. I hope you've all enjoyed it. I sure didn't.

Top 5 Most Heartbreaking Breakups, #1

#1 - Sara O.

Sara and I went to the same High School, but we were never in any classes together. I was in French Immersion so there was a bit of a divide between the 'English Muffins' and the 'French Fries'. (I don't know if that's what anybody else said, but I sure used it a lot)
We started dating because of a scheming mutual friend. She kept going on and on to me about Sara this, and Sara that, and kept pushing me to hang out with them when they were both going to a movie together. I agreed (2 girls and me? how could I refuse?) and was totally set-up. I met them at the theater, we watched our movie and then suddenly the mutual friend wasn't able to drive Sara home, so I offered. She bravely told me that she was totally crushing, so we started dating. This was during the summer before Grade 12, the summer of '98.
Our Grade 12 year together was phenomenal. We were so blissfully happy it was sickening. She totally dug me, and I totally worshipped her. I was so in sync with this amazing girl. We both had the same plans for the future, we both wanted the same things in life. It was true love.

Now, (ahem), everybody remembers their first time right? Most people have either an awkward story, or an embarrasingly short one to tell. I'm not going to tell mine, but I will say that Sara was my first, and we waited until we were both good and ready before doing anything. After that my mind, body, and soul were totally in love with this girl. We went to Grad/Prom together. We introduced our entire families to each other. I was going to be spending the rest of my life with this girl, or so I thought at the time.
As picture perfect as I'm making this all out to be, the relationship did have it's problems. We both went to different post secondary institutions. She was at a local college, and I was at one of the local Universities. When I reconnected with the ex-gf Natalie, but just as friends, Sara was none too impressed. I had to convince her that Nat was only a friend, and would only ever be a friend. I'm sure everyone has had this problem before. Things were all good though. Everybody got along when we all hung out together. I mean, we all went to the same High School, so she knew everything there was to know about these girls. It's not like I ever hung out with any of them alone. (Sara also had a problem with my friendship to TGP, but that all worked out in the end.)
The thing about Sara and I that I loved the most was the fact that we talked about everything, including our insecurities, with each other. If she felt threatened by my friendship with a girl, she let me know about it right away and we fixed it together. I don't think I ever had a problem with anything she ever did. I trusted her judgment on everything, and I felt that she loved me as much as I loved her, even if she did have trust issues with my friends.

I even bought her a diamond ring, to go with the diamond necklace and diamond earrings I had bought her the previous years. Just small diamonds mind you, I wasn't made of money and I'm still not. But I did pay a lot for the ring. It was a promise ring and I gave it to her on our '2 years together' anniversary. I was so committed to this girl. I haven't bought a girl anything as nice as I did for Sara.

She dropped the bomb on me on August 5th, 2002. I still remember time standing still, my arms and legs going numb, and the tears. She told me that she didn't like who she was when we were together and that she thought we should see other people. She carefully gave the ring back into my hands, and I just ran out of there (we were at her house). Just like that she dumped me, out of nowhere. No lead up, no bad spell of arguing with each other, nobody cheated. She was just done with me.

I was working the night shifts as a stock boy at the same grocery store that her Mom had worked at for years and years. I talked briefly to her Mom about what had happened as my last shift ended. Her Mom was so sweet, and still is, and told me to keep calling and not to give up. I tried calling her once, but she was cold and short with me.

I started working at the battery factory the next week, and people who remember me from when I started will tell you that I was one sad boy back in those days.

Sara got a job at my local video store, so I stopped renting movies when she was working. I couldn't bring myself to talk to her, she crushed my heart so badly. She was fired for giving away too many free rentals. Then she got a job around the corner at the local Starbucks, so I stopped going there too. Of course, Starbucks is everywhere so I still manage to buy myself a Passion Tea Lemonade whenever the weather turns nice.

I most recently saw Sara when her younger brother was graduating this past summer. A family friend was also in the same graduating class and my family was part of the cheering section. Her Mom was the only one who came up to talk to me, and express sympathy about how things turned out. My Mom wanted a picture of us (me and her Mom), and to be honest, it was the worst most awkward thing I ever had to do.

I don't avoid Sara anymore, but I don't see her as much as I used to. People always come up to me and say, "You'll never guess who I saw working at Starbucks" or "Guess who I just ran into the other day at Save-on?". The answer is always the same, but I just let my mind shut off and don't think about it too much, in case the hurt returns.

Top 5 Most Heartbreaking Breakups, #2

#2 - Christina T.

Also known as X-tanic. "X", like as in x-mas, or ex-gf. And "tanic", as in either satanic because she ended up being so mean (not vindictive, just mean), or Titanic as in she is a sinking ship of doom. X-tanic, coined by one of her ex-friends that ended up being friends with me after this whole debacle.

I met X-tanic when my University crew were all hanging out in the same area as TGP's University crew. Whereas, my crew had only 5 people, TGP's had, like, a lot more. I say this because X-tanic wasn't really friends with TGP, they just knew her from high school and hung out with some of the same people. (There TGP, you're absolved from any real association with her.)

So anyways, when I met X-tanic she was in the process of messing around another boy, a good friend of TGP's, but I didn't really know about that at the time. I found out later, and for some reason didn't seem to mind. I just wanted to be with X-tanic, so I jumped at every chance I got to be near her. She ended up inviting me to her Home Group (kind of an informal Bible Study) which I attended for the better part of 8 months. I got to know a lot of her friends and was even invited to one girl's wedding.
It took me forever to woo X-tanic. She would string me along, act all like she was interested in me, and then pull back. Give me the go ahead, and then put up a stop sign. It was very confusing, because I had made my feelings for her very clear near the beginning. After that I started in on "Full Woo".
It was one of the longest woos in my wooing history.
In total, I made her 10 mix CD's. That's right, 10 CD's of songs that I had hand picked myself because of the uniting themes of "I'm SO into you and want to be with you all the time". Seriously, these things were intense. I wish I had copied more than just 3 of them for myself. I even named the CD's song titles/lyrics to express my feelings (eg. Precious Declarations, You've Already Won Me Over). Here's a sample of some of the songs:

Sky - Some kind of wonderful
Reindeer Section - You are my joy
Nat King Cole - L.O.V.E.
Police - Every little thing she does
Incubus - Are you in
Phil Collins - Can't hurry love
Alanis Morissette - Head over feet
Semisonic - F.N.T.
Michael Buble - Come fly with me
Andrew W.K. - She is beautiful

...and those are just from 3 of the 10 CD's. Imagine what all 10 would do to a girl? Turns out for X-tanic it only did something for a week or so, then the trail went cold. Usually after I gave her one we would have these amazingly long makeout sessions. Once we even made out on a dark playground in the rain. Then, she would act all like it didn't mean anything. That she wasn't sure I was the guy she wanted to be with.

Everything was so secretive too, it added a bit of excitement. It wasn't until later that I realized she may have been ashamed of me. Which is weird, because I was doing everything right for this stupid girl. I even went above and beyond one time. Her friend was coming in from out of town, she wanted to go see Vancouver Island (an all day trip). X-tanic couldn't take her because she had an evening class, I had the day off, so I took her instead. I totally could have gotten some play from this girl, but I didn't notice because I was too busy talking about X-tanic the whole time.
I am an idiot.

After about 8 months of the mind games she decided she'd give me a chance to be her boyfriend, officially. One week later, in my exhuberance of announcing this to a select few members of Home Group I had become close friends with, she totally shut me down. Decided that she didn't think she had made the right choice and that we should just stay friends. Thought I had a problem with discretion.
Excuse me? These were our friends, it's not like I was telling everyone in my social circle. And it's not like they didn't know I was wooing her for the last 8 months either. They were happy she had finally given in.
The few in Home Group who knew about the success, and then failure, were not impressed with the way ended things with me, and they totally sympathized with me. They even went so far as to stop being friends with her, and I had gained 3 more really cool people in my life. Oh, and our Home Group kind of dissolved after that.

I kind of gave up on the whole mix CD idea for wooing a girl. After all that effort going to waste it's kind of jaded me to the whole woo process. I haven't wooed in years now. But I do like to say "woo" any chance I get.

I hear about X-tanic from time to time. I think she's smoking a lot of pot now with her anti-establishment boyfriend. TGP saw her once at a concert and HAD to tell me what a terrible mess she looked like. I believe she said "Seriously Mike H, she looked like shit".

There's no greater revenge than to live well.

Top 5 Most Heartbreaking Breakups, #3 Part Two

So where was I?

Oh yeah, after a few months of misery I realized that I couldn't move on. It killed me to see her all the time, and I thought that she was upset about it too.

Turns out that she had made quite a few friends online, and one of them was attracted to her. He lives in New Orleans, and she actually went to visit this guy. A guy she met online through a video game! Tell me, how stupid does that sound? By now we had started talking and I was trying to convince her that this New Orleans guy was bad news. I was trying to tell her that I had broken things off with us in anger, and that I wasn't really ready to move on.

I wasn't ready at all. The thought of her going down to New Orleans to visit this guy made my skin crawl. I couldn't believe that she had discarded what we had together so quickly and so easily. I was ready to give up on us entirely. But I didn't, and neither did she, so we renegotiated a deal to get back together. She had to confront my family and explain herself which she did, such a trooper! And quit that silly online game for good. I would get to hold her copy of the game because I still wasn't ready to fully trust her again. I WAS willing to forgive her though, and try and forget about everything. But in the end, I couldn't forget.
I forgave her, I'm very good at forgiveness. In fact, I excel at it. But she wasn't making it easy to be with her, again. Things started out kind of alright, but when it came down to it, she broke my trust in her so terribly that I questioned everything she did. Every text message she got I asked who it was. Every time she didn't answer the phone when I called I wondered. It wasn't very nice of me, but with that stupid Hurricane that hit New Orleans I had every right to be worried that this guy was going to make a play for her. He had the means (read 'his family is rich') to get out of the state, and he kept on checking in with her. Talk about annoying! Whatever, they can have each other now, across all 5000 km of distance. Stupid video game.

I already posted the rest of what happened. But I realized something today as we made small talk at work. I may be giving her a false hope of getting back together by being so nice to her still. I hope she doesn't think this is going to happen. Because I don't see myself with her anymore. As much as it pains me to say, she ruined it for herself.

I've given the game back. She was playing it during that teary phone call asking me if I was still attracted to her. I could hear the keyboard clacking in the background.

I hope she realizes what she's missing. It's going to be a while before I love anyone that much again. I don't know when I'll be ready to be hurt that badly. I gave so much of myself into that relationship. It was a lot of work, but I don't feel like I wasted my time. I just feel like a colossal failure at relationships.

Love stinks.

Top 5 Most Heartbreaking Breakups, #3 Part One

This is a two parter, so hang in there.

#3 - Andrea T.

This is probably the most complex and convoluted story I've ever had to ponder. It's still in progress, but it's only the "falling action" part, so nothing new should come of it.

Yes, Andrea is the notorious 'A' that I've been blogging about in my posts over the last few weeks. She is the one I met at work and eventually fell in love with, only to have my heart smashed into pieces. Let me elaborate...

2 years ago, almost to the day, Andrea started working at my battery factory. Within a week of her starting, we were seeing each other socially. Then when the sparks flew, I made her promise me that if we started anything serious that she had to promise me things between us would never get weird at work. She guaranteed me that they wouldn't.
A month after that I moved out of my parents house for the first time ever. I was on my own, living with a guy I grew up with. Andrea and I couldn't have been happier. She spent the night a whole bunch, we shared our first Christmas together at my place. 8 months later, we were living together, just her and I, in a rented basement suite. Life was grand.
Now, all of you doubters are probably scratching your heads wondering why a level headed, slow moving guy like me would take such a commitment leap so quickly in a relationship. I can't say I know... love makes people crazy.
One year of this amazingly great relationship rolls by and we go down to her brother's wedding in Las Vegas. I've already been to Vegas before, and frankly, it's just not for me. I don't drink myself stupid and I definitely don't have money to burn on gambling. So anyways, in Vegas she acts like a total fool and gets stupid drunk, forgetting all about the fact that I'm there. I had a great time visiting with her family, but I can really only spend so much time with a family that isn't mine. After a few hours at the reception and getting the repeated brush off from my gf, I was ready for bed. She got all upset and apologetic the next day and things weren't really the same after that. She would argue with me about silly things. We actually fought more than ever and she was getting upset about it at work, but didn't tell anyone why. It ended up that we decided to save the relationship we shouldn't both live and work together, so I moved back in with my parents and she moved back in with hers. I wanted this one to work out, I really did, I was willing to do whatever it took to make it happen.

The next few months were a nightmare. She would always argue/nitpick/fight with me, she became hopelessly addicted to an online video game, and generally let her health fall to pieces. I was at the end of my rope when she tearily told me on Dec. 19th, 2004 that she had kissed some other dude while we were in Vegas.

Burn. I had never felt so mad and upset and angry before in my entire life. I ended it then and there. Not only had she cheated, she had kept it from me for 2 whole months (Oct to Dec). And instead of making things better between us, she made them worse. She treated me like I was doing something wrong all the time, which I wasn't, when she was the one who did something wrong. Talk about ass-backwards! Oh, and to make me feel even more resentment about the whole thing she threatened to kill herself because she had nothing left to live for. Obviously she didn't go through with it, but talk about scary. I was so mad that she would say that! What a head case!

I immediately transferred to a different team at work and I only ever saw her for a few minutes every week. I couldn't even look at her it hurt so bad. We didn't talk for 3 months. I don't even remember most of what happened during those 3 months, I was so down about my own life.

.....

Stay tuned, this story has a part 2 coming up tomorrow!

Top 5 Most Heartbreaking Breakups, #4

#4 - Natalie L.
I was in most of the same Grade 10 classes with Natalie (this was before I discovered the wooing power of mix tapes). It seems to go, that if you have the same classes with a girl you like, you get to know her a bit more. It's a universal truth.
She was having trouble with the Chemistry homework, I think, and I offered to help her because I had a little boy crush on her. Once she realized that I was interested in being her boyfriend she was all about it. We went on a few dates, mostly to bookstores, movies, and on walks. We never hung out at her place though, because of a bad family situation. She lived with her Mom during the school week, and was at her Dad's on the weekend. They had both remarried, but she was not a big fan of the guy she was supposed to call Stepdad.
Things moved along good. We held hands, we ate lunch with her group of girl friends. All of them seemed to like me. Everything was rosy. Then I finally got the guts to go for "the kiss."
This took some time, because we only really hung out on weekends, if I remember correctly. And I've already mentioned that I'm kind of a slow mover. Besides that, she was always really busy dealing with her parents and making a final decision on where she wanted to permanently live. So anyways, I went for the kiss when I dropped her off one night, and a few days later she dumped me.
Right out of the blue. I was on cloud nine because I had finally kissed the girl I liked, and she dumps me. Splat.
This made me believe that I was a bad kisser for a short period of time. I found out much later in life that I am, in fact, NOT a bad kisser.
She told me it was because things with her family were getting really hard to deal with and she didn't want me involved in any of it, but don't take it personally I was a really nice boy. Ouch. But I took it like a man, er boy. I believed her (who wouldn't?) and we parted ways.

I didn't see too much of Natalie after that aside from the classes we still had together through Grade 10-12. We didn't talk anymore, and I was sad about that. I thought that she was avoiding me, and she thought I was avoiding her. It was awkward whenever we were at the same party until Grade 12. But by then the awkwardness had faded into the past.
Then, on my first day of University, I saw her and some of her friends sitting in one of the study areas under a staircase close to my next class. I asked how things were going, and we found out that we had the same class together. We kind of ignored the whole past relationship thing and started a whole new friendship that day, her and her friends and I.
For the next 3 years we all hung out together, outside of school, and during our breaks together. She's really a very cool girl, always friendly. TGP knows what I'm talking about.

By now she's probably living in Paris teaching English to little French kids. If she's not, I'd be surprised. We kind of lost touch when I dropped out and didn't go to University anymore.

...maybe I'll e-mail her

Top 5 Most Heartbreaking Breakups, #5

Remember that movie 'High Fidelity'? I LOVE this movie. It really just exudes mounds and mounds of coolness. The thing I like best about it is the fact that the characters make Top 5 lists of everything. The whole premise of the movie is based on this guy's Top 5 breakups and how he tries to get past them. Starring John Cusack, my movie hero of the 90's.

This got me thinking about my own experiences with breakups, there haven't been too many, but enough that I can have a Top 5.

It took me a little bit to decide on a #5, usually #5 is a throwaway pick that doesn't really affect the list too badly.

Here I go...

#5 - Melisa G.
We went out in the October of Grade 11 for one month. She was part of this 'cool' crowd, and I was just me, not part of any kind of crowd. We hung out on the weekends and she was pretty cool. She was very concerned about her hair, and it really was something to behold. All long and black and curly. It smelled really good. She made these most amazing mix tapes for me as well. These things were awesome. It got me started on my own mix tapes, that eventually led to making mix CD's that rock socks off.
She dumped me after a month because I wasn't really what she was looking for. Translation, I was too boring. It's true, I didn't really develop my winning personality until the next year, I was really boring. We didn't even kiss. I was a slow mover. I still am, I think.
She broke up with me over the phone, and I felt like such a fool. How tacky! Over the phone! I was just like, 'whatever', and we never really talked again after that. I vowed to never break up with someone over the phone after that experience.
She worked at Future Shop after graduation, and I would be social whenever I ran into her when I was buying CD's. I haven't seen her for a few years, so who knows what she's doing now but last I heard she's single. I remember hearing from someone that she's only had 2 boyfriends so far, and I was one of them. I guess that's kind of a nice distinction. But still, what a sucky relationship.

She did introduce me to books written by Kurt Vonnegut though, stories that I ended up liking so much that I've read nearly every one of his books.

Give up the Funk

I feel much better about life in general today. I think it was because I was working so much at a job that sucks the energy right out of me. 6 12-hour shifts in a row will NOT be happening again anytime soon.

I'm looking forward to my 4 days off. The first one will be spent in bed. I need a day in bed watching movies and eating junk food. Then, I'm going to watch the Canucks (yay!) play Wayne Gretzky's Phoenix Coyotes (boo). How about that huh? I get to be in the same building as Gretzky! The Great One! Cool!

The last two days are still coming into focus. I have TGP penned (none of this pencil silliness) in for a movie and I'll finally get to see my cousin. The one who got engaged. We haven't hung out for close to 3 months, and we only live 15 mins away from each other. It's because of stupid life and all the busy-ness. Why can't the busy-ness leave me alone for a week, why?!?!

Here's something about me that might make you laugh. I'm secretly addicted to the show 'My So-Called Life'. I didn't watch it the first time around when it was on in 1994, but they've recently been playing it on the Family Channel at 11pm. I don't know why, but I've become enamored with this little time capsule of a show. It kind of makes me want to go back and check out 'Party of Five'. Remember that depressing show? Oh man, what I wouldn't give to be with Lacey Chabert right now.

I heart the 1990's!

Hello Sucky Day

Today I feel like everything sucks.

'A' called me last night and wanted to talk. She didn't understand the reasons we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. I had to explain it to her again. Then she asked me if I still found her attractive. I didn't know what to say. I mean, of course I still think she's attractive. But I didn't think that I should say that, so instead I just didn't say anything.
She got really upset, started crying, and I just felt awful. I wasn't upset or anything. I just felt like I was a steaming pile of poo. Absolutely wortheless.
I don't know what to do anymore. A year ago I had all the answers, I knew what I was doing. Things were going to work out, even if we hit a long rough patch. But now, I'm totally in the dark. Today sucks.

A co-worker, Mstile, invited me to come and work out at the gym with him today. We used to work out together, but 'A' and I hit that rough patch last year and I just stopped going. He's since surpassed my skill level and I think he's just trying to help me out by getting me out of the dismal loneliness of myself, er I mean my house. He's just trying to help out by getting me out of my house. I had every intention of going, but after that phone call last night I just don't want to go anywhere. Now I feel bad for cancelling on him.

The Canucks won against Dallas last night, 5-2, but even that doesn't cheer me up like it normally does.
And it's raining. Usually I like the rain, but not today. Today sucks.

I'll get out there eventually, I'll beat this prolonged case of the October Blahs. But I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's a really long tunnel.

This is all just par for the course right now. My big sis is in hospital, my Mom is stressed out and it's beginning to show (weight loss), my Dad's 2 co-workers both went on stress leave which means he has to work extra long hours with people who don't know the job, my lil sis is dealing with trust issues with her bf whom we live with. I'm worried about my family on top of dealing with all this other stuff.

The only great thing going on right now is that my cousin just got engaged last weekend.

There, I'll leave it on some good news.

Hurts like a bitchy bitch!

Blah,

I've only just begun my work week and it's already been too much to handle. On top of doing 2 extra day shifts, (which are done, thank god!) I had to help my dad remove, and then put back, 2 toilets in my parents house. Not my idea of fun evenings when I all I want to do is...

Nothing.

That' s right, I'm so emotionally, physically and mentally drained I just want to lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. For a good solid day.
But I can't. I have to start my regular work week tomorrow and deal with the potential problem of 'A' making things weird. I mean, I know I'm good with things as we are now, as friends, but I don't think she's going to "get it" for another week or so.

I just have to buckle down and get through these four 12 hour shifts. As difficult as that might be.

Doing nothing is all I want from life. Just nothing for a day.

Too many things.

PS - I don't blame anybody for not reading my blog anymore. All I have to offer the world are a collection of whining, "oh poor me" posts. Maybe come back in a few weeks. Things might be more cheerful around that time.

Love Stinks

...Yeah, Yeah.

Everybody knows it's true...

I'd just like to extend a huge, sincere THANKS to everybody for helping me out with their words of wisdom for fixing my problem. It's nice to have people help when they're looking in from the outside. It's easier to help when it's not happening to you.

Things are in the midst of being sorted right now. 'A' and I are finding a middle ground where we can just be friends and not be in a serious relationship together. I guess you could call it a technical breakup. Things won't be uncomfortable at work, but we won't be together either.
She has not totally accepted that the romance is over between us, but she knows the truth of the matter. She just needs a little bit more convincing.

I'll always be her friend, but only her friend.

Lowered Expectations

I had an... interesting saturday night.

It was TGP's birthday party, and most of her friends were going to a club. I had to work all day, so I was going to be late to the party. I had asked my girlfriend, if you can call her that, to drive in order that I might be able to have a few drinks. She agreed and told me she'd pick me up around 8-ish so that we might be able to get there late, but early enough to avoid the line.

Now, I'm accustomed to waiting for her. She says she'll be an hour but I know that this isn't necessarily what she means. She says an hour, but I end up waiting for nearly two. Nearly every time. I waited the customary 2 hours and wondered why she wasn't showing up yet. I had to call her and find out what the situation was.
Me: Hey what's up? Why haven't you left yet?
Her: I don't know.
Me: What do you mean? Did you not find an outfit? Do you need more time for your hair? What?
Her: I don't know. I'm just being stupid I guess.
At this point I can tell something is wrong, so I try and let her off the hook by saying that I could drive myself. Thus giving her the excuse to miss out on MY friend's birthday and not have any guilt. I just wanted to get going. She said that she'd be at my house soon, that she was leaving her place and that we'd go.
On the way to the club she tells me that the reason she was an hour late was because she was having a panic attack. Now, this is not something new for her. But it's been a year since she had one so I thought she had gotten control of it. Apparently not.
Being the attentive and concerned boyfriend that I am, I ask why. There's always a reason behind the panic attacks. She goes on a tirade about work related issues, and how things are somehow my fault, and that she doesn't really feel very good about going tonight because she won't know anyone there, even though she's met TGP before. We get into a stupid argument, with me all the while trying to calm her down. But she insults me, and I tell her to never call me that again. She then tells me that she's just going to drop me off, and to call her to come pick me up later.
Yeah right. So I get dropped off and she eventually finds her way back home, upset. We had travelled 30mins away from where we live, but she had never come this far before, and had gotten lost because she didn't know the difference between West and East on the highway.

The night itself was pretty much fun for me. I had a beer bought for me courtesy of the lyric finding contest on cranberry's blog. And because I was overtired from waking up early for work, I was a cheap drunk.

Here's my new drama though. TGP has this friend, lets call her K, who is totally cool. But totally shy. So I don't really know too much about her, except that I like what I see. TGP keeps egging me on, saying that there's fireworks and that I should go for it because this girl is solid. (Not like my current girlfriend, if you can call her that, who dropped me off at a club and stranded me.) See, I like this girl, but she only opens up when she's drunk, and it's hard to talk to someone when they're drunk because things get all muddled up. Not only that, but I'm in a relationship, albeit an unhealthy relationship, but I have to exit before I enter a new one. That's if this girl even likes what she sees, which I don't even know.
Here's the kicker, I work with my current girlfriend. We make batteries together. If I break it off with her I'll still have to see her every day at work and everyone knows that when you break up with someone the last thing you want to do is see them all the time.

My options?
Quit my job and break up with current girlfriend, pursue TGP's friend K, find a new job and get on with my life. Potentially making myself happier in the process.
OR
Keep my job, and relationship, which is going nowhere fast, and stay unhappy.

I know, the answer is obvious, but it scares me to death.

...sigh

Every post I've tried to start in the last half hour have all been sad and depressing.

Intstead, I'm going to stop thinking about how much fun everyone is having on their Friday night and go to bed. I like bed.

Good things usually happen there.

But not to me!

HAHA!

Canadian Bulletin

HOCKEY'S BACK!

The NHL is back in full swing ladies and gentlemen. Every single team in the league played last night, some teams won, some teams lost, (Hmph I missed LOST tonight!). But most importantly, the Canucks beat the Coyotes 3 to 2. Go Canucks Go. Take that Gretzky! The Canucks will not be your first win as Coyotes head coach. You'll have to try again in some other city with a sucky hockey team. Vancouver is just too good for you.

So, on an unrelated note, how was LOST? Like I mentioned earlier, I missed LOST to watch hockey. I have priorities people!

Rant ON!

Being Team Leader at work isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I have to lead a team of people where half of them have little to no idea what they're doing and the other half try to tell me how to lead. It's very frustrating.
I share Team Leader responsibility with this other guy, we switch every two weeks, but when I'm Team Leader he doesn't seem to want to help as much as when he's Team Leader. Nitpicky, but frustrating.
Our battery making team is always 4 people short. We always have people in on overtime, these people are always telling me "well my TL organizes breaks this way so I'm going to do it that way too". Aargh! You signed up to come and work on my team and tell me you're not going to listen to me? Frustrating! I shouldn't have to convince these people to "work with me", they should just "work with me" anyways.
It's just not worth the little bit of extra money I receive to be dumped on by what other people believe should be happening. Everybody's such a goddamn expert, but nobody is willing to do the job themselves. A lot of people talk big, but if they were in charge I wonder how many people would listen to them? You don't get much respect just ordering people around. You get resentment. Which, I'm pretty sure people have for me anyways because I get second-guessed by certain co-workers on an hourly basis.
It's hard enough as it is to organize things with 4 fewer people than we should have. And having newer operators who need someone with more than 3 months experience to help them troubleshoot the machines all the time isn't always easy. It's time consuming.

I just wish we had enough people that there wasn't anyone making annoying comments on how they think things should be done when we're short operators. And I wish all the trainees would learn the job faster, but we operate complicated machines, so that's a pipe dream.

Rant OFF.

Okay, that's out my system now. One more week of this Team Leader business and I can go back to being a regular operator. It's gotten to the point that I signed up for overtime so I could do my regular job without any complications. I haven't signed up for OT in 2 years! Talk about desperate.

I need a hug.

"No TV and no beer make Homer something something"

I love the following TV shows, in no particular order:

Justice League Unlimited
Batman TAS
Superman TAS
Samurai Jack
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Arrested Development
Lost
Fraggle Rock
The Muppets
Muppet Babies
Family Guy
The Simpson's
Futurama
Home Movies
Transformers
Reboot
Invader Zim
He-man
Undeclared
Star Wars Clone Wars
Ewoks
Gummi Bears
Wuzzles

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there is more out there that I'm forgetting, but for now, this is the Ultimate List. Some of those shows aren't around anymore, but I wish they were, because I miss them so.

I have a very uninteresting life. All I can think of to do to kill time is watch TV until something happens. Can anyone recommend any good books? I need to unplug.