Top 5 Most Heartbreaking Breakups, #3 Part Two

So where was I?

Oh yeah, after a few months of misery I realized that I couldn't move on. It killed me to see her all the time, and I thought that she was upset about it too.

Turns out that she had made quite a few friends online, and one of them was attracted to her. He lives in New Orleans, and she actually went to visit this guy. A guy she met online through a video game! Tell me, how stupid does that sound? By now we had started talking and I was trying to convince her that this New Orleans guy was bad news. I was trying to tell her that I had broken things off with us in anger, and that I wasn't really ready to move on.

I wasn't ready at all. The thought of her going down to New Orleans to visit this guy made my skin crawl. I couldn't believe that she had discarded what we had together so quickly and so easily. I was ready to give up on us entirely. But I didn't, and neither did she, so we renegotiated a deal to get back together. She had to confront my family and explain herself which she did, such a trooper! And quit that silly online game for good. I would get to hold her copy of the game because I still wasn't ready to fully trust her again. I WAS willing to forgive her though, and try and forget about everything. But in the end, I couldn't forget.
I forgave her, I'm very good at forgiveness. In fact, I excel at it. But she wasn't making it easy to be with her, again. Things started out kind of alright, but when it came down to it, she broke my trust in her so terribly that I questioned everything she did. Every text message she got I asked who it was. Every time she didn't answer the phone when I called I wondered. It wasn't very nice of me, but with that stupid Hurricane that hit New Orleans I had every right to be worried that this guy was going to make a play for her. He had the means (read 'his family is rich') to get out of the state, and he kept on checking in with her. Talk about annoying! Whatever, they can have each other now, across all 5000 km of distance. Stupid video game.

I already posted the rest of what happened. But I realized something today as we made small talk at work. I may be giving her a false hope of getting back together by being so nice to her still. I hope she doesn't think this is going to happen. Because I don't see myself with her anymore. As much as it pains me to say, she ruined it for herself.

I've given the game back. She was playing it during that teary phone call asking me if I was still attracted to her. I could hear the keyboard clacking in the background.

I hope she realizes what she's missing. It's going to be a while before I love anyone that much again. I don't know when I'll be ready to be hurt that badly. I gave so much of myself into that relationship. It was a lot of work, but I don't feel like I wasted my time. I just feel like a colossal failure at relationships.

Love stinks.