Sunday, October 09, 2005

Lowered Expectations

I had an... interesting saturday night.

It was TGP's birthday party, and most of her friends were going to a club. I had to work all day, so I was going to be late to the party. I had asked my girlfriend, if you can call her that, to drive in order that I might be able to have a few drinks. She agreed and told me she'd pick me up around 8-ish so that we might be able to get there late, but early enough to avoid the line.

Now, I'm accustomed to waiting for her. She says she'll be an hour but I know that this isn't necessarily what she means. She says an hour, but I end up waiting for nearly two. Nearly every time. I waited the customary 2 hours and wondered why she wasn't showing up yet. I had to call her and find out what the situation was.
Me: Hey what's up? Why haven't you left yet?
Her: I don't know.
Me: What do you mean? Did you not find an outfit? Do you need more time for your hair? What?
Her: I don't know. I'm just being stupid I guess.
At this point I can tell something is wrong, so I try and let her off the hook by saying that I could drive myself. Thus giving her the excuse to miss out on MY friend's birthday and not have any guilt. I just wanted to get going. She said that she'd be at my house soon, that she was leaving her place and that we'd go.
On the way to the club she tells me that the reason she was an hour late was because she was having a panic attack. Now, this is not something new for her. But it's been a year since she had one so I thought she had gotten control of it. Apparently not.
Being the attentive and concerned boyfriend that I am, I ask why. There's always a reason behind the panic attacks. She goes on a tirade about work related issues, and how things are somehow my fault, and that she doesn't really feel very good about going tonight because she won't know anyone there, even though she's met TGP before. We get into a stupid argument, with me all the while trying to calm her down. But she insults me, and I tell her to never call me that again. She then tells me that she's just going to drop me off, and to call her to come pick me up later.
Yeah right. So I get dropped off and she eventually finds her way back home, upset. We had travelled 30mins away from where we live, but she had never come this far before, and had gotten lost because she didn't know the difference between West and East on the highway.

The night itself was pretty much fun for me. I had a beer bought for me courtesy of the lyric finding contest on cranberry's blog. And because I was overtired from waking up early for work, I was a cheap drunk.

Here's my new drama though. TGP has this friend, lets call her K, who is totally cool. But totally shy. So I don't really know too much about her, except that I like what I see. TGP keeps egging me on, saying that there's fireworks and that I should go for it because this girl is solid. (Not like my current girlfriend, if you can call her that, who dropped me off at a club and stranded me.) See, I like this girl, but she only opens up when she's drunk, and it's hard to talk to someone when they're drunk because things get all muddled up. Not only that, but I'm in a relationship, albeit an unhealthy relationship, but I have to exit before I enter a new one. That's if this girl even likes what she sees, which I don't even know.
Here's the kicker, I work with my current girlfriend. We make batteries together. If I break it off with her I'll still have to see her every day at work and everyone knows that when you break up with someone the last thing you want to do is see them all the time.

My options?
Quit my job and break up with current girlfriend, pursue TGP's friend K, find a new job and get on with my life. Potentially making myself happier in the process.
OR
Keep my job, and relationship, which is going nowhere fast, and stay unhappy.

I know, the answer is obvious, but it scares me to death.

12 comments:

Carly said...

just get some nookie from 'K', it's all about nookie. be a free man Mike H.

Mike H said...

Sounds simple enough,

But,

I don't want to be that guy.

shipkicker said...

alright alright i am here to solve all your problems. you can only reach out so many times and have your hand slapped away.. that said, it sounds like you and current gf have gotten just about as far as youre going to get with each other, and are now at the point that you are either wasting each others time, or keeping each other from the person who can give you what it is you want. whether or not there is another girl in the picture is just a cop out for how unhappy you are in this relationship that seems to have long ago hit its plateau (name calling? what are we, 15?) dont use k as a way out, although i am sure you do like her, you know that that is not the answer to your problem either. as for working together... it happens. i'm sure you continued to go to high school with some of your ex gf's and still survived.. but it could be a good excuse to look for something that truly makes you happy, cause from the sounds of it, you arent? i'm sure you have enough people giving you advice, so i will shut up and say follow your heart, listen to the voices in your head that are telling you to do what you already know, and whatever you decide, dont sell yourself short. you are good stuff. dont waste it on someone who might not be capable of appreciating it.
ps. nobody thinks youre that guy. that guy doesnt contemplate moral dilemas.
pps dont listen to me, what the fuck do i know

Carly said...

yeah, it does sound a little too simple now that i re-read that shit.
damn, i want some nookie.
you're a smart kid MikeH. Just a quick question - does your current GF know about this blog?

Unknown said...

Ok Mike I think you need a guy's perspective on this so here goes -
You have to ask yourself 3 things:
a) are you happy with your current situation
b) if you did start dating K would you find yourself in the same situation in a few months time as you currently do with your now gf?
c) if you did split up with your gf could you find another job easily so that you can have happy times with K?

If you aren't happy in a relationship then you should get out of it. It will be hard to let go but the longer you leave it the more recentment there might be in the end between your current gf and you. You will be holding each other back.
And as Shippy says you definately aren't 'that guy'. 'That guy' wouldn't care one way or the other, whereas you abviously do.

Good luck bud, only you know best.

Phats said...

I thought this was going to be your personal ad, you know like that skit on Mad TV haha :)

that girl possessed said...

i'm going to concur with shippy and pockey. from what i heard of gong show K, i really wonder if she is any simpler than the current gf. not a pretty scene.

you know how i feel about all this and i know if i were smart i'd take my own advice too. you have to look out for you mike; you aren't responsible for anyone elses happiness. she is responsible for her own and you are responsible for yours... so figure out how to become happy with this situation or realize you can't and move on.

i've said it a million times, you are so much better than all of this. don't let another person drag you down. you hear me, mister.

sorry my brother grabbed your ass, it's just so... you know... appealing.

Mike H said...

shipkicker and gareth - I've got some serious thinking to do. Thanks for your two cents.

nutty - Shy? I never really understood shy, because I've not encountered it a lot. I'm usually alright at keeping up a good conversation, even with someone who doesn't say much.

cranberry - She knows I have one, but she forgot what the address is. She's too busy with herself to worry about anything I'm doing.

stephanie - Change is scary!

pockey - K will not be the reason to leave A. There's a whole ball of reasons to reconsider what I put up with from A. And it's not like I'm going to jump from one girl to the next. Recovery takes at least 3 months. Maybe more.
PS - You rock for being so cool!

Phats - You made me laugh when I read that, and my sister asked me what I was doing from other room. So funny!

Mike H said...

TGP - Always looking out for your boy. I'll figure this one out. You should figure your 'one' out too. I talked to him briefly, but I was a little drunk, so I don't think he took me very seriously.

Grish said...

Since everyone was throwing in their two cents, I'd thought I'd add mine in as well. Just think, at this rate you could be rich.

ok, really, a lot has already been said on the matter, so I'll leave you with this instead:

"To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right."

Confucius

Unknown said...

Do you have things sorted out in your head yet? Or did we all just manage to confuse you more?!
I told Shippy not to make that comment, geesh, lol. ;).

Carly said...

grish is soooo deeo